Hot Oil and Hydropumps
by Mahtalie
Summary: Ever wonder what happened back at the Naboo Cruiser while Qui-Gon was away getting a hyperdrive? Love-struck handmaidens and a fed-up Padawan - this is what *I* think went on.


Title: Hot Oil and Hydropumps  
Author: Maddie-Wan (formerly Galadriel)  
Summary: Ever wonder what happened back at the Naboo Cruiser while Qui-Gon away getting a hyperdrive? Love-struck handmaidens and a fed-up Padawan-this is what *I* think went on.  
Email: garbonzo_b@yahoo.com I love getting mail! Email me, email me!   
Category: Humor  
Rating: G  
Spoilers: None! Read away!  
Disclaimer: I don't own *any* of these characters (the only one I'd want would be Obi-Wan, anyway *G*) so don't sue me, I have no money!  
Feedback: yes please! love it or hate it, let me know so I'll never attempt 'Star Wars' humor again.  
  
AN: This story started out with just the handmaidens sitting around talking about what a hottie Obi-Wan is and kinda grew into this. The handmaidens' conversation is mostly made up of numerous ones I've had with friends, talking about guys at school or whatever. And I dedicate this story to my sister, Goldberry, who helped me with getting it started :)  
  
Hot Oil and Hydropumps  
  
"Meesa be seein' yousa guys later, okee-day?" JarJar waved as he said goodbye. Obi-Wan Kenobi didn't bother to reply, instead stabbing the green button beside the door. It shut swiftly with a soft 'woosh'. Captain Panaka and the Jedi Padawan looked at each other and heaved a sigh of relief.   
"Good riddance to bad rubbish," Obi-Wan muttered, rolling his eyes. That nuisance had been underfoot ever since they had left Naboo and had managed to grate on everyone's nerves, especially Obi-Wan's. He had no idea how long Qui-Gon would be gone, but he hoped his Master would somehow manage to lose JarJar before he returned.  
Obi-Wan snapped back to attention as muffled clangs and thumps came from the engine room. He narrowed his eyes. Panaka and Ric Olie were at that hyperdrive again. If he didn't get down there quick they'd have the whole thing pulled apart and Obi-Wan would have an even harder time salvaging parts that were still useful. Ric might have been a fine pilot, but he must have slept through hyperdrive repair in school. Obi-Wan picked up his pace and jogged to the engine room, hearing a giggle as he passed by the Queen's throne room.  
  
Meanwhile, in the throne room:  
"Did you see how he jumped off that balcony and cut those droids in half?" Rabe said dreamily. "It didn't even hurt him."  
"Not like Tol Grietta," Yane said, rolling her eyes at the memory. "Remember? He tried the same thing last year and broke his leg." The other girls giggled.  
Since there really was nothing to do on board the Naboo Cruiser, the Queen's handmaiden's were doing what all girls do when bored: Gossip. And they had a fine subject, one they could talk about for hours on end if they weren't interrupted: Jedi Master Qui-Gon's apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi.   
"Why does Master Jinn call him 'Padawan'? Why not 'apprentice'?" Sache, stumbling over the odd word, wanted to know.  
"Sexy is what I'd call him," Sabe, on the Queen's throne, threw in.   
Eirtae nodded. "With a capital S." She grinned mischievously.  
"Too bad none of the guys in Theed look like that," Yane mused. "It'd make the parties Amidala throws *much* more interesting." As royal handmaidens, they didn't get to party much, and when they did, the "parties" were usually diplomatic dinners with stuffy politicians trying to woo the Queen. Handmaidens didn't get noticed much.  
"He talked to me earlier," Sache said proudly. "I think we really hit it off."  
The other girls eyes her. "What did he say?" Rabe asked.  
"Well...." Sache fidgeted. "We bumped into each other in the hallway, just after we boarded. He looked up from his datapad and said, 'Pardon me.'" A dreamy look came over her. "I think he likes me."  
Sabe snorted with laughter. "That doesn't mean anything! He's just polite!"  
Sache tossed her head and gave the air a haughty sniff. "Think what you like, but we both know the truth," she replied.  
The other girls grinned and shook their heads. Sache like to live in her own fantasy world.   
They were quiet a minute, listening to the clunks coming from the engine room. Eirtae spoke up. "I wonder if Jedi are allowed to get married," she said. "I'd marry him in two seconds flat."  
"A second and a half too late," Yane countered, smiling. "I'd marry him in *half* a second. I wouldn't even *think* about it."  
"I'd have to wait for the shock to wear off first, before I could respond," Rabe added. "After I pick my jaw up off the floor and stop drooling." She sighed. "Don't you just *love* his voice? So smooth and soft-"  
"-and still masculine," Yane put in. "I especially love his accent. He could be talking about moisture farms all day and I'd still listen." She paused, listening as a particularly loud crash sounded from the engine room, followed by a muffled yelp.  
  
Back in the engine room:  
Ric turned to Obi-Wan, holding a circular object with tubes protruding from it. "Hey kid, what's this? Never seen anything like this before."  
Obi-Wan put a hand to his forehead and groaned inwardly. 'Sith, what did I do to deserve this?' he whined to himself.  
"What's the matter, kid? Headache?" Ric looked up from the mystery part, his hands full of wires and tubes.   
'More like a pain in my arse,' he thought. "That's the hydropump," Obi-Wan said, with more calm than he felt. "You shouldn't have pulled that out; it's supposed to be connected to the hydroregulator. You shouldn't have pulled that out either." A sly grin spread itself over his face. "You will go outside and help Panaka with exterior repairs to the ship," he commanded, waving his hand slightly. The Force-suggestion worked.  
"I think I'll go outside and help Panaka with exterior repairs to the ship," Ric repeated. He put the ruined hydropump down and headed outside. For the second time that day, Obi-Wan sighed with relief at being alone. Maybe now he could actually get some work done...  
Just then his comlink beeped. "Sithspawn," Obi-Wan swore.  
"Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon's voice sounded over the comlink.   
"Yes, Master?"   
"It's going to take a little longer than I expected to get a new hyperdrive. I don't think we can expect to be on our way again before late tomorrow."  
Obi-Wan frowned, suspicious. He had the distinct feeling ther was something his Master wasn't telling him...  
"Master?" Obi-Wan began. He winced, wondering how Qui-Gon would take the news that they not only needed a new hyperdrive, but a hydropump and regulator as well.   
"Yes, Padawan?" Qui-Gon had a feeling he wasn't going to like what Obi-Wan was going to tell him.  
"We, uh...we need a new hydropump and regulator," he said in a rush.  
There was a pause. Obi-Wan cringed. "Padawan, weren't the pump and regulator working when I left?"   
"Yes, but...let's just say Ric is a better pilot than mechanic."  
"Hmm..." Qui-Gon could see where Obi-Wan was going with this. "I see. Well...they shouldn't cost too much. I'll contact you later." The comlink beeped to show the connection had closed.   
"We'll just have Mr. Fix-It reimburse us later," Obi-Wan muttered. He headed to the Queen's throne room to relay the message that they would be stuck on this Force-foresaken rock a while longer.   
  
Back with the Gossip Queens:  
"He's so *brave*," Sache had emerged from her dream world and was now going on about Padawan Kenobi's acts of courage on Naboo. "He rescued all those pilots in the hangar without even hesitating."  
"Bravery's a plus, eh?" Eirtae arched an eyebrow at Sache.   
"Well, nobody likes wimps," Yane put in. "That's why I like pilots. You can't be a fighter pilot of you aren't brave."  
"I bet he flies," Sache said. A goofy grin spread over her face and she slipped back in her fantasy world.  
"Lost her again," Rabe nudged Yane. They laughed.  
"I'd like to see him with his shirt off," Sabe commented, a sly grin on her face. "I bet he's got *great* chest muscles."  
"They're called pecs, my dear," Rabe corrected her. "And yes, I bet he's got incredible pecs."  
"And washboard abs," Eirtae added. "Don't forget the abs."  
"What I'd *really* like to do is get him and a big pot of hot oil-"  
"Yane, we don't want to hear it," Eirtae interrupted.  
Sabe giggled. "I think you have a lot of repressed sexual energy, Yane. They say it's bad to keep it bottled up, you know."  
Yane grinned wickedly. "He could help me with that."   
"Who could help with what?" A new voice interrupted their conversation. The handmaidens, including Sache, looked up.  
There in the doorway stood Obi-Wan, with his beautiful hazel eyes and make-you-melt smile. He arched his eyebrows, looking at the handmaidens quizzically. Two of them - he couldn't tell them all apart - looked as though they would burst from holding back laughter. He didn't care to know *what* exactly they found so hilarious, but he had a sneaky suspicion it had to do with him. Of course, Qui-Gon had told him time and again that he wasn't very in tune with the Living Force, so he could be wrong.   
The other two handmaidens looked as though they would like to sink through the floor and disappear. Only the Queen looked composed, although he could see a mischievous twinkle in her eyes that hadn't been there before.   
"Umm...Your Highness, I just spoke to Master Jinn. He said our departure will be delayed until late tomorrow, at the earliest." He glanced at Yane, who was laughing silently. Her shoulders shook and a tear rolled down her face. She snorted, trying and failing to hold her laughter in. Obi-Wan looked at the Queen, a little miffed. "Is she alright?"  
"She's fine, Padawan Kenobi," she responded calmly. "Thank you for relaying the message."  
Obi-Wan bowed respectfully, not understaning what was going on, and left. 'Women,' he thought, more than a little perplexed. He paused just outside the door as he heard the Queen speak.  
"Hot oil, huh Yane?"   
Obi-Wan grinned. 'I knew it,' he thought, and went off to finish his repairs. 


End file.
